I cannot sleep so I decided now would be the perfect time to blog since my house is still quiet and there will be no interruptions. I don't know if you remember this from the beginning but, I said that if I blog, I have to be honest. Here it goes.......
For those of you that know me, you know that I can party with the best of them and always love to have a good time. I went through a time in my life in high school and college where I developed a drinking problem. If you would have asked me about it then I would have told you that you were crazy but, knowing what I know now I clearly had a problem. It affected a lot of things in my life but, I have taken those experiences and use them as learning tools and a guide for myself.
Having a drinking problem does not mean that you need alcohol to survive. I did not need to drink everyday and I didn't. What I did when I would go out was drink to the point that I would black out. It got really bad when it would only take me 3-4 beers to get me to that point. I could not control my alcohol anymore and it was controlling me.
I started dating Mike and we continued with the partying. We had been dating for 9 months when he was transferred to Traverse City, MI. He became the Food and Beverage Director at the Park Place Hotel. If you have not been to Traverse City, MI, I highly recommend you add it to your bucket list. It is so beautiful there. Lake Michigan has teal blue waters and white sandy beaches. It was like being in Mexico. I do plan on living there again some day!
I followed Mike out there after we had been together for 1 year. It was hard at first. We didn't know anyone. All we had was each other. We made awesome friends there and the party continued. I started to realize that I needed help. I went to my doctor and for the first time I admitted to someone that I needed help. That was one of the hardest moments of my life. I was depressed and drinking too much and didn't like what was happening to me. I started taking Prozac. The change was like night and day. I couldn't believe it and I felt so much better. Mike and I got married and a little over a year later we were expecting our first child. I talked to my doctor about the Prozac and they reassured me that it was safe to be on during pregnancy. They would rather I stayed on it than take me off and sink into a depression.
Addie was born healthy and was definitely a happy little baby. When Addie was 4 months old we moved to Farmington, MN. With the move and changes, I decided it would not be a good idea to go off of my medication. I found wonderful doctors here in Farmington. When Addie was almost 2 we decided to start trying for a second child. When I went to the doctor we found out that I had a fibroid in my uterus that would need to be removed before we could get pregnant again. Instead of surgery we opted for a shot that would be given monthly, that would shrink the fibroid. I was given the shot monthly for the next 3 months and it was absolutely horrible. I call this time in my life "when I was crazy" because the medication did truly make me feel that way. I do not remember everything from these 3 months. It was like I was in a fog. I believe it was God's way of protecting me from the side effects of the medication. I will never take this medication again and would strongly recommend other's to find a different alternative as well.
I stayed on the Prozac and Bella was born! Another beautiful baby girl that was happy and healthy! When Bella was 10 months old we found out we were expecting number 3. Needless to say this was definitely a surprise! When I finally figured out that what I had was not a stomach virus, I was already 3 months along. It was hard for me to accept that I was having another baby. I had just decided that 2 children were enough and had started to make some changes in my life to better myself. My hormones were really out of wack at this point. I talked to my doctor and we decided that I had been on Prozac for so long that switching me to a new medication may not be a bad idea. I switched to Lexapro and that seemed to help.
We all know that Livie was born with Craniosynostosis. What I am finding out now is that the Prozac and Lexapro may have caused her condition. I first heard this before Livie's surgery and put it on the back burner. I started digging into this a little more recently and what I am finding is truly heartbreaking. A lot of anti-depressants may cause this and other problems in children being born. At first I was sad and now I am angry. The reason why I stayed on the medication during pregnancy was because it was safe. I talked to all my doctors about it and not one of them was worried. It was safe and there were no known side affects, was what I was told with each of my children. Prozac is one of the older anti-depressants that has been around forever. Why wasn't this caught sooner?
Addie and Bella were not born with Craniosynostosis but, some of the other things the medication can cause is heart and lung problems. Does this mean that down the road they can develop problems? Does this mean that Livie can also have heart and lung problems? I am so worried that I caused this and it could have been prevented. I am so scared that the reason Livie has gone through a major surgery is because of me. I am her mom and am supposed to protect her! I have seriously lost sleep over this. I know that there is nothing I can do about it now but, I can raise awareness. I already believe that I am supposed to be an advocate for Craniosynostosis and now finding out if the medication has caused this can be added to the list.
I do understand that this could just be a fluke and the medication could have nothing to do with why Livie was born with Craniosynostosis but, it will become my mission to find out and raise awareness.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
God Is Good!
Thank you so much to everyone for all the support and prayers that we have received over the past 6 months especially over the past few days. I know that I keep saying this but it is truly amazing and we are so blessed.
We arrived in Rochester on Thursday night and took the kids swimming and tried to relax and take our minds off of the next days events. Mike's parents came up and my parents and sister, Brooke. We attempted to go to bed early but, that didn't work out either. Once I was able to go to bed I did sleep pretty well. I love the beds at the Courtyard by Marriott. If you have not slept on one I highly recommend that you do! The night before the surgery all I could think about was getting to the hospital and somehow something would come up and they would not be able to do the surgery. I was making myself sick to my stomach. I had to quit thinking like that. Everything was going to be fine and I just had to believe that and have faith!
On Friday, 04.01.11 at 6:30am we were at St. Mary's Hospital getting checked-in for her surgery. We met a great family in the waiting area that had a little girl named Katie. I had fun trying to make her my new best friend and I am pretty sure that she thought I was crazy. We ended up watching a little bit of Curious George on her sister's iPod.
My father kept himself busy by watching a pair of bald eagles sit in their nest on 3 eggs over the Internet. Apparently there were 160,000+ people watching these birds! I had no idea it was even going on and thought he was crazy when he just sat and stared at them. Now I am intrigued and have now found myself asking about if they have hatched or not yet.
We were finally called back to have the anesthesiologists take a look at her and clear her for surgery. I was just a nervous wreck waiting for them to say it was a go. There were so many questions to answer and a lot of them we were asked 2 or 3 times. I felt rushed as they were trying to stay on time and get things done and get her back there. I didn't want to let her go but, at the same time I just wanted this all behind us so we could move forward. She was hungry and really getting pissy about not being able to eat. She did really well though which made it easier. The anesthesiologist that came to get her and take her back was a handsome gentlemen and extremely nice. At this point I was extremely calm and just glad to have the process started. There was no turning back now.
We were gathered in the waiting area with other families. Looking around I kept wondering what their stories were. I did get a couple stories and met some wonderful people. I had to get out of there though. I couldn't just sit there and stare at the TV screen that gave updates about her status. It would have driven me nuts. It felt like she was in surgery for a very long time. It was 4 hours and 30 minutes that the procedure lasted. Exactly what they told us. Our family ended up back in an area where food and beverage was allowed, kind of off by itself. We had fun talking and watching the eagles. We received one update that they were closing and she was doing very well. Dr Clay and his nurse, Mary Jo came and spoke to us after the procedure was completed. They moved the side of the skull that was fused forward as far as they could which was 14mm and had to do a bone graft to make an eyebrow for her and on the other side they moved that back 2mm. I love that Dr Clay wears a Superman surgical cap because he is definitely a hero!
I was scared to see her at first but, she looked so good. Happiness just radiated through my entire body! I don't know if I have felt that before but, it was the best feeling. My beautiful baby girl was still here with us and did amazing through the surgery. I know there were plenty of angels in there with her keeping her safe and comforting her throughout the entire procedure.
Last night was incredible. She was not really herself when we left and went down to dinner and when we returned she was awake, playing with her paci and smiling and cooing at us. Brooke was the first one to get a smile and it brought tears to her eyes. She slept through the night last night and woke up happy which makes me so happy. We cannot thank the Lord enough for this miracle.
I hope that none of you have to go through anything like this with one of your children. However, I do hope at some point in your life you are able to experience the same positive support and comradery that we have through Mayo. Everyone here is amazing and brings individual talents to the table. I absolutely loved her nurses in the Pediatric ICU, Crystal and Brie. Awesome ladies that were fun and made the situation so much easier for us! Randy, works with children and tells them what to expect the first time they see their loved one after surgery is awesome! He came to Livie's room with them and answered all of their questions and then just hung out with us for awhile. He is a wonderful man and so great with kids! Today the girls got to go to the helicopter pad and sit in the helicopter and learn all about the flights they make to help babies. Just so happens that both Crystal and Brie are flight nurses and Addie got to meet them! Before we left the ICU I made it a point to let them know how awesome they are and that I hoped they were told that often and not to forget it! Very special women!
Today I also met 2 other very special people. Amber and Melanie. Amber is Melanie's mom and they have been here for 2 1/2 weeks. Amber has not left the hospital since they have arrived and is here with her 24/7. She has went down to the cafeteria once while her husband stayed with Melanie. Melanie is 7 years old and has been in and out of Mayo 60-70 times. This last time has been extremely hard on the family as they almost lost Melanie last Tuesday. She unfortunately will have to learn everything all over again. She can't sit by herself or anything anymore. She is a beautiful little girl that looks like Addie and she has a little sister named Bella. She has a mitochondrial disease that causes her organs to shut down and it is progressive. I ask that you please pray for this family as they are going through a difficult time. I am so happy to say that I know her story and am so glad that I asked.
We arrived in Rochester on Thursday night and took the kids swimming and tried to relax and take our minds off of the next days events. Mike's parents came up and my parents and sister, Brooke. We attempted to go to bed early but, that didn't work out either. Once I was able to go to bed I did sleep pretty well. I love the beds at the Courtyard by Marriott. If you have not slept on one I highly recommend that you do! The night before the surgery all I could think about was getting to the hospital and somehow something would come up and they would not be able to do the surgery. I was making myself sick to my stomach. I had to quit thinking like that. Everything was going to be fine and I just had to believe that and have faith!
On Friday, 04.01.11 at 6:30am we were at St. Mary's Hospital getting checked-in for her surgery. We met a great family in the waiting area that had a little girl named Katie. I had fun trying to make her my new best friend and I am pretty sure that she thought I was crazy. We ended up watching a little bit of Curious George on her sister's iPod.
My father kept himself busy by watching a pair of bald eagles sit in their nest on 3 eggs over the Internet. Apparently there were 160,000+ people watching these birds! I had no idea it was even going on and thought he was crazy when he just sat and stared at them. Now I am intrigued and have now found myself asking about if they have hatched or not yet.
We were finally called back to have the anesthesiologists take a look at her and clear her for surgery. I was just a nervous wreck waiting for them to say it was a go. There were so many questions to answer and a lot of them we were asked 2 or 3 times. I felt rushed as they were trying to stay on time and get things done and get her back there. I didn't want to let her go but, at the same time I just wanted this all behind us so we could move forward. She was hungry and really getting pissy about not being able to eat. She did really well though which made it easier. The anesthesiologist that came to get her and take her back was a handsome gentlemen and extremely nice. At this point I was extremely calm and just glad to have the process started. There was no turning back now.
We were gathered in the waiting area with other families. Looking around I kept wondering what their stories were. I did get a couple stories and met some wonderful people. I had to get out of there though. I couldn't just sit there and stare at the TV screen that gave updates about her status. It would have driven me nuts. It felt like she was in surgery for a very long time. It was 4 hours and 30 minutes that the procedure lasted. Exactly what they told us. Our family ended up back in an area where food and beverage was allowed, kind of off by itself. We had fun talking and watching the eagles. We received one update that they were closing and she was doing very well. Dr Clay and his nurse, Mary Jo came and spoke to us after the procedure was completed. They moved the side of the skull that was fused forward as far as they could which was 14mm and had to do a bone graft to make an eyebrow for her and on the other side they moved that back 2mm. I love that Dr Clay wears a Superman surgical cap because he is definitely a hero!
I was scared to see her at first but, she looked so good. Happiness just radiated through my entire body! I don't know if I have felt that before but, it was the best feeling. My beautiful baby girl was still here with us and did amazing through the surgery. I know there were plenty of angels in there with her keeping her safe and comforting her throughout the entire procedure.
Last night was incredible. She was not really herself when we left and went down to dinner and when we returned she was awake, playing with her paci and smiling and cooing at us. Brooke was the first one to get a smile and it brought tears to her eyes. She slept through the night last night and woke up happy which makes me so happy. We cannot thank the Lord enough for this miracle.
I hope that none of you have to go through anything like this with one of your children. However, I do hope at some point in your life you are able to experience the same positive support and comradery that we have through Mayo. Everyone here is amazing and brings individual talents to the table. I absolutely loved her nurses in the Pediatric ICU, Crystal and Brie. Awesome ladies that were fun and made the situation so much easier for us! Randy, works with children and tells them what to expect the first time they see their loved one after surgery is awesome! He came to Livie's room with them and answered all of their questions and then just hung out with us for awhile. He is a wonderful man and so great with kids! Today the girls got to go to the helicopter pad and sit in the helicopter and learn all about the flights they make to help babies. Just so happens that both Crystal and Brie are flight nurses and Addie got to meet them! Before we left the ICU I made it a point to let them know how awesome they are and that I hoped they were told that often and not to forget it! Very special women!
Today I also met 2 other very special people. Amber and Melanie. Amber is Melanie's mom and they have been here for 2 1/2 weeks. Amber has not left the hospital since they have arrived and is here with her 24/7. She has went down to the cafeteria once while her husband stayed with Melanie. Melanie is 7 years old and has been in and out of Mayo 60-70 times. This last time has been extremely hard on the family as they almost lost Melanie last Tuesday. She unfortunately will have to learn everything all over again. She can't sit by herself or anything anymore. She is a beautiful little girl that looks like Addie and she has a little sister named Bella. She has a mitochondrial disease that causes her organs to shut down and it is progressive. I ask that you please pray for this family as they are going through a difficult time. I am so happy to say that I know her story and am so glad that I asked.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Anxious
Well, the count down is on again! I cannot wait for this Friday to be over and done with so we can move forward. It seems as if the time has drug on and on these last two weeks. I am so scared that she will catch another cold between now and Friday that I am starting to worry too much and think too much about everything!
When we were at Mayo on 03.15.11 and met with Dr Clay, he gave us some additional information that we did not know until then. After looking at Livie again and now that she is older, he told us that she will need to wear a helmet. She will be fitted for a helmet when we take her for her 6 week check-up. From the fusing her head is very mishapen in the back and we are hoping to be able to correct it a little more with the helmet! I will have to get some be-dazzlers so I can pretty it up a little bit! She will also have to go through physical therapy. She favors one eye more than the other which is also caused by the fusing. So we need to retrain her muscles in her neck, so her head will not be titled to one side when she looks at us anymore. Then, last but not least she will need to see an opthamologist to make sure that there is no damage to her vision. Dr Clay did state that it would be an easy procedure if anything needed to be done.
I have once again not been the nicest person in the world. My husband is driving me crazy and I am sure that I am driving him crazy as well. Thankfully Mike hasn't done anything for me to be upset or angry about, it is just all the stress and tension building up! When that happens and I need a slap back into reality I will often turn to Joyce Meyer on late night TV, (9pm CST). I am almost embarassed to call 9pm late! If you know who I am talking about she is definitely a no nonsense lady and tells it like it is. She normally gets the job done for me! At 9:30pm I then like to watch, Joel Osteen. They both have such wonderful messages and I really enjoy them!
As I was laying in bed, crabby one night also feeling sorry for myself I decided to turn on Joel Osteen. His message was wonderful that night and it has stuck with me for almost a week and I want to share it with you.
A bunch of people were standing in line waiting to check out at a busy grocery store and the girl at the check out was obviously having a bad day. The lines were getting long and people were getting impatient about having to wait. Price checks were having to be called and she was starting to be rude to the customers and in turn the customers were being rude back to her. The way that she was treating the customer and the way the customer was treating her was not right and should have been handled differently but, it wasn't. As Joel made his way up the line and it was his turn he told the girl that everything was going to be ok and soon things would not be so busy and if she could make it through this she would be ok. She looked at him at this point with tears streaming down her face and told him that her baby was in the hospital. She couldn't be there with her because her husband had lost his job and she needed to work, they needed the money. She didn't know what to do and she was trying her hardest to make things work for her family but really wanted to be with her baby at the hospital. Joel took her hands and they prayed together right there in line at the grocery store. People behind him hugged her and gave her money to help her situation. When people knew her story they pulled together and wanted to help her. Their perception of her changed.
The people in line behind Joel in the grocery store were getting fed up with the girl at the check out until they heard her story. Their perception of her changed. Unless you have walked in a person's shoes don't pass judgement against them. Ask them about their story. Where did you come from? What brought you here today?
This led me to start thinking of people in my past who I wish I would have taken the time to know. One of them was Jim Stearns. As little kids and growing up we made fun of him. We all did. Now I wish that I would have taken the time to ask him about his story. I had no idea that he was as involved in the church as he was. I didn't know that he really didn't have a family. I really wish that I would have been one of the individuals who had been nice to him and taken the time to talk with him. Unfortunately, I will not have the chance to ask him his story as I just read it the other day in the obituaries.
Maybe if we can instill this in our children there will be less bullying. Maybe if we have our children want to get to know others and learn about other people and situations they will be more empathetic. Instead of making fun of Bobby because he wears the same clothes everyday maybe we should ask him his story. His mom may have passed away and his dad is raising him and they don't have the money for new clothes. Maybe his mom is a single mom and works 2 jobs to pay the bills. Clothes are extras that they can't afford right now. Maybe if we tell our children these stories they will empathise with these children and want to be their friend and help them.
I also believe that there are people out there that want to do good things and want to help. If you knew Bobby's story would you help him? Would you help buy him new clothes or dig through the stuff your son has out grown or take groceries to his house?
Unless you have walked in a person's shoes don't pass judgement on them, ask them to tell you their story.
When we were at Mayo on 03.15.11 and met with Dr Clay, he gave us some additional information that we did not know until then. After looking at Livie again and now that she is older, he told us that she will need to wear a helmet. She will be fitted for a helmet when we take her for her 6 week check-up. From the fusing her head is very mishapen in the back and we are hoping to be able to correct it a little more with the helmet! I will have to get some be-dazzlers so I can pretty it up a little bit! She will also have to go through physical therapy. She favors one eye more than the other which is also caused by the fusing. So we need to retrain her muscles in her neck, so her head will not be titled to one side when she looks at us anymore. Then, last but not least she will need to see an opthamologist to make sure that there is no damage to her vision. Dr Clay did state that it would be an easy procedure if anything needed to be done.
I have once again not been the nicest person in the world. My husband is driving me crazy and I am sure that I am driving him crazy as well. Thankfully Mike hasn't done anything for me to be upset or angry about, it is just all the stress and tension building up! When that happens and I need a slap back into reality I will often turn to Joyce Meyer on late night TV, (9pm CST). I am almost embarassed to call 9pm late! If you know who I am talking about she is definitely a no nonsense lady and tells it like it is. She normally gets the job done for me! At 9:30pm I then like to watch, Joel Osteen. They both have such wonderful messages and I really enjoy them!
As I was laying in bed, crabby one night also feeling sorry for myself I decided to turn on Joel Osteen. His message was wonderful that night and it has stuck with me for almost a week and I want to share it with you.
A bunch of people were standing in line waiting to check out at a busy grocery store and the girl at the check out was obviously having a bad day. The lines were getting long and people were getting impatient about having to wait. Price checks were having to be called and she was starting to be rude to the customers and in turn the customers were being rude back to her. The way that she was treating the customer and the way the customer was treating her was not right and should have been handled differently but, it wasn't. As Joel made his way up the line and it was his turn he told the girl that everything was going to be ok and soon things would not be so busy and if she could make it through this she would be ok. She looked at him at this point with tears streaming down her face and told him that her baby was in the hospital. She couldn't be there with her because her husband had lost his job and she needed to work, they needed the money. She didn't know what to do and she was trying her hardest to make things work for her family but really wanted to be with her baby at the hospital. Joel took her hands and they prayed together right there in line at the grocery store. People behind him hugged her and gave her money to help her situation. When people knew her story they pulled together and wanted to help her. Their perception of her changed.
The people in line behind Joel in the grocery store were getting fed up with the girl at the check out until they heard her story. Their perception of her changed. Unless you have walked in a person's shoes don't pass judgement against them. Ask them about their story. Where did you come from? What brought you here today?
This led me to start thinking of people in my past who I wish I would have taken the time to know. One of them was Jim Stearns. As little kids and growing up we made fun of him. We all did. Now I wish that I would have taken the time to ask him about his story. I had no idea that he was as involved in the church as he was. I didn't know that he really didn't have a family. I really wish that I would have been one of the individuals who had been nice to him and taken the time to talk with him. Unfortunately, I will not have the chance to ask him his story as I just read it the other day in the obituaries.
Maybe if we can instill this in our children there will be less bullying. Maybe if we have our children want to get to know others and learn about other people and situations they will be more empathetic. Instead of making fun of Bobby because he wears the same clothes everyday maybe we should ask him his story. His mom may have passed away and his dad is raising him and they don't have the money for new clothes. Maybe his mom is a single mom and works 2 jobs to pay the bills. Clothes are extras that they can't afford right now. Maybe if we tell our children these stories they will empathise with these children and want to be their friend and help them.
I also believe that there are people out there that want to do good things and want to help. If you knew Bobby's story would you help him? Would you help buy him new clothes or dig through the stuff your son has out grown or take groceries to his house?
Unless you have walked in a person's shoes don't pass judgement on them, ask them to tell you their story.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Update!
Livie's surgery has been rescheduled due to a cold that she has. Her surgery is now scheduled on 04.01.11. We were completely prepared for the surgery emotionally and then to have to move it out a few weeks is kind of hard. I do love her doctors and know that they have made the right decision. I pray that we can get her healthy and have her remain that way until her surgery.
Livie's Benefit was on 03.12.11. It was unbelievable! The amount of things that we had for the bake sale, silent auction and live auction was amazing! Thank you to everyone who made a donation! Also thank you to those who helped work the benefit! Without all of you, it would not have been a success!
I really wish that I would have had time to visit with more people than I did! Thank you to all of you who came out to show your support! We love you!
Livie's Benefit was on 03.12.11. It was unbelievable! The amount of things that we had for the bake sale, silent auction and live auction was amazing! Thank you to everyone who made a donation! Also thank you to those who helped work the benefit! Without all of you, it would not have been a success!
I really wish that I would have had time to visit with more people than I did! Thank you to all of you who came out to show your support! We love you!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Overwhleming But Positive
This experience has truly been overwhelming in so many different ways. All the stress and anxiousness that I have felt since October is overwhelming and the continued support from all friends, family and strangers is unbelievably overwhelming. I am simply amazed at the out pour of support that we are receiving from such wonderful people!
I have not blogged in a while for a reason. I am fine, however I wanted to know that for sure before I posted again. My doctor and I found a lump in my breast a few weeks ago and I was scared to death. I didn't know what to do and was so stressed by everything else that everything just snowballed! There were lots of tears and panic and the fear of the unknown. I took a couple days off of work that I would like to call mental health days. I needed those days to get some extra rest and do something other than worry but, I was in no condition to work. I had my first Mammogram and an Ultrasound and the radiologist was in there with me during the Ultrasound so he could read it live. Thank the Lord that it was nothing, we were so relieved. Again I feel as if everything that I am going through is teaching me something. Whether I get that all figured out now or later down the road, I am sure it will all make sense someday.
One thing I do know that I have learned from all of this when I was reflecting on myself one day, is that the only way you will ever find happiness is being able to be truly and honestly happy for others. Read that sentence again. I may have spoke about this in one of my earlier blogs but, I cannot tell you how important this is. That doesn't mean be happy for them to their face and then turn and roll your eyes when they walk away. It really means being happy for others. I don't know why it happens but, I think it starts when we are little kids. You are happy with your toys until you see what little Sally has and then you want her toy. Why can't you have what Sally has? Now hers becomes better than yours and jealousy starts.
This journey has taken me to different place in my life. I have learned to be truly happy for others. I would not want anyone to have to go through the things that we have been through. Therefore I am happy for others, not jealous but, happy. I am so happy that Sally gets to take a wonderful vacation because you know what, she deserves it and deserves to be happy. I don't get to go on vacation but you know what, I have my health and that makes me happy. I am very content with where I am in life and that makes me happy.
I am beginning to give back to others. Whether it be taking some groceries to people or letting people know I care, I am reaching out to others. It is not much but, I am doing it and trying to make a difference. We have starting getting things together and organizing a benefit/fundraiser for Livie. I am becoming an expert in this area. Please tell people about me so that I can help them too if they need it! I have absolutely loved planning this and working on getting people together and getting donations that I believe that this is something that I am meant to be doing.
Livie is doing wonderfully. She is getting so big and weighs 16lbs 10oz. I keep telling everyone she is getting ready for her surgery just in case she loses a little weight she will still be fine. She is rolling over and can almost roll from her back to her tummy. When you do put her on her tummy she tucks her knees up under herself and tries to move forward. I am not ready for that yet! We have also started her on cereal and introduced her to green beans the other night. She liked them which is good! I still wonder if she gets headaches or has some sort of pain from the Craniosynostosis. Every once in a while she cries like she is in so much pain. It makes me nervous. Her surgery is right around the corner and I will be so thankful when it is all over.
We have decided with the help of friends and family that there will be a benefit/fundraiser for Livie! This has been an excellent way to keep my mind off the upcoming surgery and to focus on something else for a while.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Softail Saloon, Superior IA
6pm-8pm will be a bake sale and silent auction
8pm live auction
We have received some wonderful donations for the auction. We can still use your help! If you wish to donate an item or two to be auctioned off please email me at, jenniej530@yahoo.com.
Thank you again to everyone for your continued support and we hope to see you on March 12th!
Lots of love, Jennie
I have not blogged in a while for a reason. I am fine, however I wanted to know that for sure before I posted again. My doctor and I found a lump in my breast a few weeks ago and I was scared to death. I didn't know what to do and was so stressed by everything else that everything just snowballed! There were lots of tears and panic and the fear of the unknown. I took a couple days off of work that I would like to call mental health days. I needed those days to get some extra rest and do something other than worry but, I was in no condition to work. I had my first Mammogram and an Ultrasound and the radiologist was in there with me during the Ultrasound so he could read it live. Thank the Lord that it was nothing, we were so relieved. Again I feel as if everything that I am going through is teaching me something. Whether I get that all figured out now or later down the road, I am sure it will all make sense someday.
One thing I do know that I have learned from all of this when I was reflecting on myself one day, is that the only way you will ever find happiness is being able to be truly and honestly happy for others. Read that sentence again. I may have spoke about this in one of my earlier blogs but, I cannot tell you how important this is. That doesn't mean be happy for them to their face and then turn and roll your eyes when they walk away. It really means being happy for others. I don't know why it happens but, I think it starts when we are little kids. You are happy with your toys until you see what little Sally has and then you want her toy. Why can't you have what Sally has? Now hers becomes better than yours and jealousy starts.
This journey has taken me to different place in my life. I have learned to be truly happy for others. I would not want anyone to have to go through the things that we have been through. Therefore I am happy for others, not jealous but, happy. I am so happy that Sally gets to take a wonderful vacation because you know what, she deserves it and deserves to be happy. I don't get to go on vacation but you know what, I have my health and that makes me happy. I am very content with where I am in life and that makes me happy.
I am beginning to give back to others. Whether it be taking some groceries to people or letting people know I care, I am reaching out to others. It is not much but, I am doing it and trying to make a difference. We have starting getting things together and organizing a benefit/fundraiser for Livie. I am becoming an expert in this area. Please tell people about me so that I can help them too if they need it! I have absolutely loved planning this and working on getting people together and getting donations that I believe that this is something that I am meant to be doing.
Livie is doing wonderfully. She is getting so big and weighs 16lbs 10oz. I keep telling everyone she is getting ready for her surgery just in case she loses a little weight she will still be fine. She is rolling over and can almost roll from her back to her tummy. When you do put her on her tummy she tucks her knees up under herself and tries to move forward. I am not ready for that yet! We have also started her on cereal and introduced her to green beans the other night. She liked them which is good! I still wonder if she gets headaches or has some sort of pain from the Craniosynostosis. Every once in a while she cries like she is in so much pain. It makes me nervous. Her surgery is right around the corner and I will be so thankful when it is all over.
We have decided with the help of friends and family that there will be a benefit/fundraiser for Livie! This has been an excellent way to keep my mind off the upcoming surgery and to focus on something else for a while.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Softail Saloon, Superior IA
6pm-8pm will be a bake sale and silent auction
8pm live auction
We have received some wonderful donations for the auction. We can still use your help! If you wish to donate an item or two to be auctioned off please email me at, jenniej530@yahoo.com.
Thank you again to everyone for your continued support and we hope to see you on March 12th!
Lots of love, Jennie
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I need to breathe........
Feeling the stresses of the upcoming surgery are starting to take their toll on me. I try so hard to remain positive and happy that it is becoming more difficult as the days go by. I continue to show anger toward my husband and I am not exactly sure why. I have heard that you take out your frustrations on the ones that are closest to you, unfortunately that is Mike. I know that none of this is his fault, not the loss of his job, not Livie, not the renters moving out and not the financial situation we have found ourselves in. I love my husband more now than I did the day we were married. He is my rock and keeps me focused. I am going to need him more than ever these next few months.
My stomach remains in knots most days, I am extremely exhausted and my hair is falling out. I am losing hair the size of small animals but, am assuming it all has to do with stress. Thank goodness I have been blessed with a lot of hair.
I find that I am trying to find comfort by eating. Unfortunately that is not working out so well. It is only starting to piss me off that I am gaining some weight back from what I lost when I had Livie. I really wish I could just remove my sweet tooth and be done with it. If I don't turn to food then who or what do I turn to? I would love to talk about things to my mom but I hate to burden her or anyone else for that matter with my problems. It is the burden that I am scared of. The burden of taking others time to listen to me. Burdening them with my sadness and the fear that I am feeling. I don't want to burden others with my problems.
I believe that God is answering our prayers. Mike has found a new job and we have found renters for our house in Michigan. We received a donation from Women's Night Out in Estherville. It was such a wonderful surprise. That has prompted us to start the Livie Fund. There have been some donations made by others and we appreciate your help so much. There is no way to ever thank everyone for all the support and prayers we have been receiving. On Saturday, March 5th, 2011, we plan on doing a lia sophia fund raiser for Livie in Estherville however the location is TBD.
I received this in an email from a friend of mine last night, Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you. Praying this is true.
My stomach remains in knots most days, I am extremely exhausted and my hair is falling out. I am losing hair the size of small animals but, am assuming it all has to do with stress. Thank goodness I have been blessed with a lot of hair.
I find that I am trying to find comfort by eating. Unfortunately that is not working out so well. It is only starting to piss me off that I am gaining some weight back from what I lost when I had Livie. I really wish I could just remove my sweet tooth and be done with it. If I don't turn to food then who or what do I turn to? I would love to talk about things to my mom but I hate to burden her or anyone else for that matter with my problems. It is the burden that I am scared of. The burden of taking others time to listen to me. Burdening them with my sadness and the fear that I am feeling. I don't want to burden others with my problems.
I believe that God is answering our prayers. Mike has found a new job and we have found renters for our house in Michigan. We received a donation from Women's Night Out in Estherville. It was such a wonderful surprise. That has prompted us to start the Livie Fund. There have been some donations made by others and we appreciate your help so much. There is no way to ever thank everyone for all the support and prayers we have been receiving. On Saturday, March 5th, 2011, we plan on doing a lia sophia fund raiser for Livie in Estherville however the location is TBD.
I received this in an email from a friend of mine last night, Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you. Praying this is true.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Thank You!
I want to say Thank You to all of you that have helped us in some way or another. I have had people offer to watch the girls so Mike and I can get out of the house for a while, I have had people want to help and send us a little something in the mail, I have someone making us dinner and bringing it to us tonight. The response from everyone has been overwhelming and truly amazing. The purpose of the blog was not to have people send us money or have you do things for us. It was originally meant for me to have a healthy outlet and to make others aware of Craniosynostosis and to help other families facing the same difficulties. It has turned into something that has had a huge impact on my life.
Through all of this I started questioning my faith and decided I may not even know the definition of faith. How could I have faith in something if I didn't know what faith was? Faith is the confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, concept or thing, according to Wikipedia. I am supposed to have faith in God so I am supposed to have trust in him. This all makes sense and I can handle that. However, all this stems from the bible. How do we know that the bible is 100% correct and true? It was written by his followers and people that experienced him. But this is all just hear say continually being passed down. I don't know, maybe I am reading to much into it and making this harder than it needs to be. Or is this where my faith comes into play and I need to trust in it that it is true.
I was on my way home from work the other day and my mind wonders frequently, I began thinking about all the things that were happening in my life. It was so weird but at that very moment and I can even remember where I was when this happened I knew what I was supposed to do. People say that God has spoken to them and I always thought that those people are crazy but, I think he spoke to me too! I didn't hear a loud voice from up above I just started putting everything together. I was supposed to talk about our situation with other people. I am supposed to educate other people on Craniosynostosis because too many times it gets confused and diagnosed as Positional Plagiocephaly, flattened head. By the time the correct diagnosis is made it can have caused damaged or require more than one surgery. I am supposed to talk to people and let them know that it is OK to ask for help and receive help from others. Once our situation is resolved then I am to take what I have learned through all of this and pay it forward. I am to help others by setting up benefits or fundraisers, donating my time or anything else I can do to help along the way.
I have found myself during our journey. I know that I am a strong woman that will fight to the end. I have learned to let others help me when I need it most. I have also realized that I didn't lose faith or not know what faith was or what it meant, I just forgot where I put it. Now that I have found it again I know that I have been truly blessed by God. He has chosen my family to go through this so we can do the things listed above. Mike has told me that your parents don't take you to church to learn the bible, they take you there to plant the seed so you know where to turn when the time arises. I have faith in God and I know he will see us through this.
Now that we have Livie's surgery scheduled for 03.16.11, I can relax a little bit between now and then. That was my plan anyway. I looked at the calendar today and cannot believe that it is already 01.21.11. Where has this month gone? I can't help but worry now. In two months Livie will have had her surgery and we will probably be on our way home. Since this is a major surgery her recovery period will be 4-6 weeks. I plan on being off with her for the first 3 weeks and then after that my sister, Brooke will come up and stay with her for the next week maybe 2 if needed. The time I take off will be unpaid. I am a little nervous about not having an income during those weeks but believe we can survive anything at this point!
Mike recently accepted a position with Applebee's. We are so thankful that he has found a job in this economy. Thank you for all the prayers and support! Keep them coming, God is listening! It is not the pay that we were hoping for but, it is something. I am so happy that he has found this job, I do believe that being a stay at home dad was starting to wear on his nerves a little. He was nervous about starting back to work, I am sure that he will miss the girls and starting a new job is always a little nerve wracking.
Before you start reading the next paragraph I want to again say how thankful I am that my husband has a job and how thankful I am that it is with a company that cares about their employees. There just continues to be this list of concerns that I have even after he has gotten this job. I am sure that a lot of people would be in the same situation that we are in currently if the bread winner of the family was no longer employed. We had our budget set according to what we were making at the time. We didn't think about or I didn't think about, what would happen if Mike lost his job. That just wouldn't happen to us. Now our budget and bills are set for the other income that we lost, not for the income that we will have. How do we fix this? How do we fix our budget when we are still in the red? Do you still continue to pick and chose what bills to pay? When do you get ahead or is it just a continuous cycle and you don't?
We are doing what we can to save on things that we can control. We are able to manipulate our schedules so that the girls will only go to daycare for 2 days a week which is, $210/week. That saves us a considerable amount of money because if they had to go the full week it would cost us $430/week. We try not to spend additional money on groceries other than what we receive with WIC and Food stamps. It is just really hard to grasp everything that is going on and put all these things into perspective.
Through all of this I started questioning my faith and decided I may not even know the definition of faith. How could I have faith in something if I didn't know what faith was? Faith is the confident belief or trust in the truth or trustworthiness of a person, concept or thing, according to Wikipedia. I am supposed to have faith in God so I am supposed to have trust in him. This all makes sense and I can handle that. However, all this stems from the bible. How do we know that the bible is 100% correct and true? It was written by his followers and people that experienced him. But this is all just hear say continually being passed down. I don't know, maybe I am reading to much into it and making this harder than it needs to be. Or is this where my faith comes into play and I need to trust in it that it is true.
I was on my way home from work the other day and my mind wonders frequently, I began thinking about all the things that were happening in my life. It was so weird but at that very moment and I can even remember where I was when this happened I knew what I was supposed to do. People say that God has spoken to them and I always thought that those people are crazy but, I think he spoke to me too! I didn't hear a loud voice from up above I just started putting everything together. I was supposed to talk about our situation with other people. I am supposed to educate other people on Craniosynostosis because too many times it gets confused and diagnosed as Positional Plagiocephaly, flattened head. By the time the correct diagnosis is made it can have caused damaged or require more than one surgery. I am supposed to talk to people and let them know that it is OK to ask for help and receive help from others. Once our situation is resolved then I am to take what I have learned through all of this and pay it forward. I am to help others by setting up benefits or fundraisers, donating my time or anything else I can do to help along the way.
I have found myself during our journey. I know that I am a strong woman that will fight to the end. I have learned to let others help me when I need it most. I have also realized that I didn't lose faith or not know what faith was or what it meant, I just forgot where I put it. Now that I have found it again I know that I have been truly blessed by God. He has chosen my family to go through this so we can do the things listed above. Mike has told me that your parents don't take you to church to learn the bible, they take you there to plant the seed so you know where to turn when the time arises. I have faith in God and I know he will see us through this.
Now that we have Livie's surgery scheduled for 03.16.11, I can relax a little bit between now and then. That was my plan anyway. I looked at the calendar today and cannot believe that it is already 01.21.11. Where has this month gone? I can't help but worry now. In two months Livie will have had her surgery and we will probably be on our way home. Since this is a major surgery her recovery period will be 4-6 weeks. I plan on being off with her for the first 3 weeks and then after that my sister, Brooke will come up and stay with her for the next week maybe 2 if needed. The time I take off will be unpaid. I am a little nervous about not having an income during those weeks but believe we can survive anything at this point!
Mike recently accepted a position with Applebee's. We are so thankful that he has found a job in this economy. Thank you for all the prayers and support! Keep them coming, God is listening! It is not the pay that we were hoping for but, it is something. I am so happy that he has found this job, I do believe that being a stay at home dad was starting to wear on his nerves a little. He was nervous about starting back to work, I am sure that he will miss the girls and starting a new job is always a little nerve wracking.
Before you start reading the next paragraph I want to again say how thankful I am that my husband has a job and how thankful I am that it is with a company that cares about their employees. There just continues to be this list of concerns that I have even after he has gotten this job. I am sure that a lot of people would be in the same situation that we are in currently if the bread winner of the family was no longer employed. We had our budget set according to what we were making at the time. We didn't think about or I didn't think about, what would happen if Mike lost his job. That just wouldn't happen to us. Now our budget and bills are set for the other income that we lost, not for the income that we will have. How do we fix this? How do we fix our budget when we are still in the red? Do you still continue to pick and chose what bills to pay? When do you get ahead or is it just a continuous cycle and you don't?
We are doing what we can to save on things that we can control. We are able to manipulate our schedules so that the girls will only go to daycare for 2 days a week which is, $210/week. That saves us a considerable amount of money because if they had to go the full week it would cost us $430/week. We try not to spend additional money on groceries other than what we receive with WIC and Food stamps. It is just really hard to grasp everything that is going on and put all these things into perspective.
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